I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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