Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
