To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
