i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
