Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
