So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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