if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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