I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
