i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
