proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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