Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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