I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
ttyl tear gas
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
