Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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