Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
