Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
