he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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