If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
