blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
