Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
