my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
