The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
