Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
