Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
