I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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