Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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