and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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