I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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