True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
