My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
