Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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