when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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