Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
