I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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