I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
