i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
