you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
