my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
