I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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