So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My cat gives me a boner
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
