i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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