i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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