I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
