I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize