I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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