dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
