can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
