Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize