Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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