im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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