PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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