she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
What a dumb baby whore.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
