and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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