This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize