I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
