I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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