So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
