dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
