the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
