Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
