you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Are my feet made of real feet?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
