Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
