I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
