I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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