so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
