Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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