When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
