I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
