I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
