when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
