I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
