dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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