glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize