i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
