I'm gonna have a badass scar
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
