gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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