i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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