Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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