If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
