He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
