I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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