She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
