put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
