his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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