he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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