either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
