I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
