I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
