I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
