READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
