You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
