i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize