kristin has been a bad kristin
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
