I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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