oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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