hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
