i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
