Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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