How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we're making bets on your personal life
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
