I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
