So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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