I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
