sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
